thestoryofjory.com

Last week I started a new segment called Looking Local.  The objective was to analyze local television commercials and offer constructive criticism about how they could be improved.  Well, @adbrad must’ve been reading my mind, because that same day he posted a link to Blue 7’s new commercial – and it is fantastic!! Have a look:

So this week, I’m sharing an example of a local TV commercial done right.  There’s a lot of personality in this commercial that really reflects what the atmosphere of the store must be like.  It conveys in a simple way that there is something for children to young adults, that it would be a good place to find gifts, and that they cater to a modern clientele.  Further, the choice of soundtrack is perfect for the demographic and attitude of the commercial – Sheree Chamberlain is popular among modern, young professionals in Oklahoma. I really think Creative Vega & Blue 7 hit it out of the park with this commercial & I look forward to seeing what they come up with next.

I’ve decided to add a new element, which I hope to update with some regularity. I’m calling it “Looking Local,” and I’ll choose a new local television commercial each week to analyze and offer constructive criticism. I don’t want to emphasize that these commercials are bad because they’re local – they’re bad for plenty of other reasons! Case in point: Exchange Bank’s commercial featuring Travis Brorsen.

This commercial is humorous and well-produced for local TV.  But it could’ve been so much better.  When you compare it to other ads from the bank, it falls well short of informing the customer about the service and atmosphere at Exchange Bank and it creates more questions than answers.

First, who are these people and where are we?  The opening shot is 5 seconds long and consists of some guy walking in to a nice building with a dog.   As a viewer, I don’t know where this is, who the guy is or why he has a dog indoors.  Plus, the viewer is temporarily distracted because the light from the windows and entry is overexposed.  There aren’t any curtains or blinds to use, so I would recommend re-framing the intro shot all-together.  A medium shot that moved with the actor as he walked across the lobby would’ve helped the light problem and allowed us to identify the man.

If you’re from Perry, OK, or have ever watched any episode from the one season of “Greatest American Dog” on CBS, you might recognize the man and dog as Travis Brorsen and Presley, who won the show.  Using a local celebrity can be a great idea – and it would’ve worked better in this commercial if they’d used a medium or close-up shot to help the viewer establish the man’s identity.  As it is, we know this man is important even if we don’t know why because of the music.  The fawning girl helps confirm that Brorsen is a local celebrity and I love the humor in Brorsen’s wink.  This interaction is the best part of the commercial, and it has nothing to do with the bank’s services.   Also, the cut between the girl handing Brorsen the hat and the close up of the signing is just a little late.

Brorsen leaves the girl and goes down the hall.  As he does, the camera makes a cut from directly behind Brorsen to his front right, a change of more than 180 degrees.  It feels really abrupt, and the change has us focused on his legs (I presume to make us look at the dog, who is obscured by Brorsen’s legs).  The shot doesn’t not work, but it sure doesn’t say anything – it’s just an empty filler.  We’re now 20 seconds in, and we still don’t know where this action is taking place.  Brorsen knocks on a door, opens it, and gives a shocked expression.  Presley gives a late bark, which is the only audio that is not a sound effect in the whole commercial.  We see another man, in a nice shirt and tie holding a cat and hear a cat’s yowl. I would recommend changing the scene to show the cat and man before we see the dog bark.  I think it would flow better to see Brorsen’s shocked face, see the man’s shocked face, and then let Presley bark at the cat.

While the scenario is mildly funny, the commercial is almost over and nothing has been said about the bank.  The text “Great service, no matter who you are,” makes little sense juxtaposed with this scene. Where in the commercial did Brorsen receive any service?  Do they mean to imply that they welcome dogs and cats into their building?  Or to imply that the stereotype of a do-nothing banker is true at this bank?  “Great service, no matter who you are” is a fine message, but this was definitely not the way to show it.  Perhaps if the focus had been on giving the duo something; for example, the tellers could’ve taken turns petting the dog and feeding him treats, and then after some time decided to give Brorsen something to drink or popcorn.  This would’ve shown the service, and allowed the bank to be a bit humorous at the same time.