thestoryofjory.com

Frosh Meets World
My Best Friend’s Wedding

I missed the first home football game of my first year at college. Most would consider an act of that magnitude sacrilegious, but I have an excuse. You see, out of any day of the year my best friend Lisa could’ve chosen as the one she will celebrate her anniversary on, she chose September 7 at 7:00 pm for the ceremony (see ya next year, Northern Iowa), September 6 at 6:30 pm for the rehearsal (anyone want to buy an Orange Peel ticket?), and her best friend Jordana as her Maid of Honor (I really didn’t want to see the silly concert anyway). It doesn’t bother me that much because I managed to sell my ticket, but it adds salt to the wound to have to hear everyone talking about how awesome it was. Hope you all had fun. I hate you.

Actually, the fact that I missed all the fun college festivities doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the fact that one of my best friends just married her high school sweetheart less than four months after graduation. It’s not that I don’t approve of her husband, because I think he’s great; it’s just that I’ve known this girl since the third grade. We tied for worst girl-scout member of troop 239 in the 4th grade, went to 4-H events together in 5th grade, tried to form our own singing group in 6th, and planned to come to OSU to be pre-vet med students in Junior High. We also rode horses and barrel raced together, played basketball and joined FFA. We were always highly competitive with one another; an aspect that nearly ruined our friendship but in the end helped us both turn out for the best. We even celebrate our birthdays around the same time every year – she is only a month ahead of me, and by getting married she is suddenly making me feel very old (I’m only 18 – I just now got the right to vote!). I don’t know how I’m going to cope with being a graduate student.

I honestly had a great time last weekend. Lisa and I had such a blast goofing around at the rehearsal that the wedding coordinator asked if we were drunk, and if we planned to be at the wedding. The next morning I picked her up for our hair appointments; but it really just felt like we were getting ready for Prom. A short burst of rain just before the outdoor wedding delayed us for a few minutes, but Lisa stayed calm by cracking jokes and having the bridesmaids sing along with the radio. I did my job as Maid of Honor; keeping her dress and veil smoothed out. After the rain subsided and the sun returned every one moved outside, and I walked behind my friend holding her train so the wet grass wouldn’t soil it. Before the wedding I was given the groom’s ring, which I held onto for dear life and prayed I wouldn’t drop in the water. Even by the time the wedding was about to start, the fact that Lisa Marie Meyer was about to become Mrs. Justin Carpenter still hadn’t set in. It was fun, stressful, and sad all at the same time. While I’m sure we’ll always keep in touch, my name will be on her marriage certificate for as long as it lasts, and that’s a weird thought.

The bottom line is that marriage is for old people; that is unless you just really want someone to dress up and coat your vehicle in shaving crème and shoe polish.

All the best,
Jordana

originally posted September 10, 2002

Frosh Meets World
Dual Meanings

Sometimes I just don’t think. When I miss something because I’m off in a daze, people laugh and assume I’m a blond at heart. I’m not a blond; I’m just not listening/looking/paying attention to you. It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that there are so many words, like ‘thong’ for example, that have two separate meanings. If your dad tells you you’ve left your thongs on the back porch, he probably doesn’t mean stringy underwear. On the flip side, if your best girlfriend is whining that you can see her thong, she’s talking about her Vickies. A guy or girl can be ‘Hot’, and so can the temperature. You can dump trash or you can dump your other. It’s all just a matter of phonetics. However if you don’t happen to be paying attention to unique vocabulary, you can land yourself into a bit of a pinch (there’s another word with two meanings!).

Take for example the lesson I learned on my third day of freedom at Oklahoma State. I was in a state of blissful ignorance toward just about everything that was going on when my friends and I were about to pass a very nicely decorated table near the Student Union. Because I tend to have the attention span of a 10 year old, and the colorful little poster simply said ‘Soda’, I figured I could talk to the people and they would give me a coke. After all, back in Noble, America, a sign that says ‘Soda’ means just that – coke.

Wrong. As I approached the table to chat with the three guys behind it (one of them was kind of cute), the thought never dawned on me that guys don’t usually sit behind a table decorated in rainbow colored balloons and posters, trying desperately to give away candy. Either my friends were much quicker on the uptake, or they had already fallen for the group’s clever play on words, because they didn’t want any soda. I walked away from the table without a coke and also without a clue why anyone would advertise soda when in fact they had none. Then it suddenly occurred to me – what if soda meant something else? “Joe,” I asked my sophomore friend, “Does soda stand for something?”

I honestly feel that my mistake was a very innocent one, with no ill will or teasing intended. It’s just that we don’t have a local chapter of the Sexual Orientation Diversity Association back home. I think it’s probably because we have so many churches. I think the OSU-Stillwater SODA club is doing a good thing in trying to get their name out and boost memberships. I only hope they don’t get offended by all the thirsty, oblivious people out there.

All the Best,
Jory

originally posted on September 11, 2002

Frosh Meets World
Mall Walkers

People go to the mall for lots of reasons. Some shop, others just socialize, and even more have to work there, but I’ve noticed than an increasing number of people are going to the mall to practice the taxing sport of mall walking. I’m sure you’ve all seen them as well. Mall Walkers are the people who are walking as fast as they possibly can around the inside of a mall, plowing over shoppers as they come out of the stores with bags in hand. I have yet to figure out the real purpose behind mall walking, but I suspect it has something to do with old people and exercise. Most MW’s come dressed in new athletic gear, which makes me think they either have sponsors or have to look trendy in order to walk around in the mall (I suppose there are lesser dressed walkers who go to Wal-Mart).

Okay, so what’s my point? I think there is a relationship between Mall Walkers and some of you people who walk everywhere on campus. You might dress normal and be carrying a backpack, but I can tell you’ve probably made a lap or two around the mall. I myself have casually observed passers-by practicing the sport near the library. In such instances when there are two Walkers, they get on separate sidewalks and race. The race is complicated further when a crowd of unsuspecting students attempts to use the sidewalk as well. If one makes the other jog a few steps, the non-jogger wins. It’s all quite fun to watch, actually.

If you are a speed walker, the important thing you should remember is that the campus is not a mall, and it is not cool to plow people over just because they happen to be going 15 miles per hour slower than you are. I know you’re just trying to get to class, but guess what? So is everyone else. I’m sure you will one day make it to the big-times (what would that be exactly? Power walking at the Mall of America?), but for now, please realize that no one is really impressed with your ability to walk and scare people to death at the same time. If you’ll slow it down a smidgen, those who have ever survived one of your plowings-over will thank you. And if you happen to get carried away and knock someone down, help him or her back up! Who knows, they might end up sponsoring you some day.

All the Best,
Jory

originally posted on September 12, 2002