thestoryofjory.com

Frosh Meets World
Mall Walkers

People go to the mall for lots of reasons. Some shop, others just socialize, and even more have to work there, but I’ve noticed than an increasing number of people are going to the mall to practice the taxing sport of mall walking. I’m sure you’ve all seen them as well. Mall Walkers are the people who are walking as fast as they possibly can around the inside of a mall, plowing over shoppers as they come out of the stores with bags in hand. I have yet to figure out the real purpose behind mall walking, but I suspect it has something to do with old people and exercise. Most MW’s come dressed in new athletic gear, which makes me think they either have sponsors or have to look trendy in order to walk around in the mall (I suppose there are lesser dressed walkers who go to Wal-Mart).

Okay, so what’s my point? I think there is a relationship between Mall Walkers and some of you people who walk everywhere on campus. You might dress normal and be carrying a backpack, but I can tell you’ve probably made a lap or two around the mall. I myself have casually observed passers-by practicing the sport near the library. In such instances when there are two Walkers, they get on separate sidewalks and race. The race is complicated further when a crowd of unsuspecting students attempts to use the sidewalk as well. If one makes the other jog a few steps, the non-jogger wins. It’s all quite fun to watch, actually.

If you are a speed walker, the important thing you should remember is that the campus is not a mall, and it is not cool to plow people over just because they happen to be going 15 miles per hour slower than you are. I know you’re just trying to get to class, but guess what? So is everyone else. I’m sure you will one day make it to the big-times (what would that be exactly? Power walking at the Mall of America?), but for now, please realize that no one is really impressed with your ability to walk and scare people to death at the same time. If you’ll slow it down a smidgen, those who have ever survived one of your plowings-over will thank you. And if you happen to get carried away and knock someone down, help him or her back up! Who knows, they might end up sponsoring you some day.

All the Best,
Jory

originally posted on September 12, 2002

Frosh Meets World
My First College Test

I took my first college test last Thursday. Chemistry 1314. Dr. Purdie. I think that was the only part on the whole test I actually had right. Okay, so that’s a little dramatic, but I seriously feel violated by the whole thing. I studied, took notes, went to class (okay, so I missed a couple days, but the class starts at 8:30, what do you all expect?); I even studied the book. There were only 25 questions on the test, worth 4 points apiece. The test was supposed to cover chapters 1 through 3, but I honestly think there was some stuff on there we didn’t talk about. I really thought this whole class would just be a review for those of us who had taken Chemistry in high school. I guess I’m figuring out college is hard. That really sucks.

The whole college testing system is way the hell different from anything in high school. Remember those cardboard box things they used to put on your desks in kindergarten when we had to take those skills tests? Yeah anyway they didn’t use those but we had assigned seats and we had to sit apart from each other, just like in our pre-school days. Except those tests were over how to write your name and what sound Mr. T makes. We had review days to get ready for tests and quizzes in high school, but Dr. Purdie kept truckin’ right along into Thermo Chemistry as though the test would just cover “How to spell the word ‘Thermo Chemistry’”. We did get to keep a copy of our test, so after I finished the exam I went back to the dorm to figure out my best possible score.

It was not pretty.

I can only hope the rest of the class scored lower than 50%. Then I could have a B or something neat like that. Heck if I got a ‘D’ I’d be proud to put it on my refrigerator. That’s the other thing…if I had ever gotten a grade that bad on a test I’d be grounded. In my household, anything less than an ‘A’ was unacceptable. So I guess this test is kind of monumental…I think I’ll frame it when I get it back.

All the Best,
Jory

originally posted on September 16, 2002

Frosh Meets World
My Feelings Toward The O’Collegian
Did you all read the O’Colly yesterday? You know, it had the comic in there about someone being pissed off about the editorials, but not writing a letter to the editor? I’m pretty sure they based that little picture on me, and the bastards didn’t even give me credit! I read the O’Colly every day, just to get a glimpse of what is going on around campus. And almost everyday, there is something placed in the paper for the sole purpose of pissing me off. Besides the absolute randomness of their topics and the three different stories that all said the same thing about the Sigma Nu fraternity brawl, our dandy college newspaper prints stuff by complete idiots, like Steve Hunt, Basher of Orange Peel and the Man who put Madeline Albright in her Place. There are a few things I like however, such as the Society Squares, Crossword Puzzle, and C. Brooks Kurtz’s daily editorial.

Rather than focusing on the negative, I think I should really stress those precious three things the O’Colly has going for it. After all, it is important to be supportive of O-State in every way you can. People react better to constructive criticism mixed in with praise anyway. For example, whoever came up with the idea for Society Squares should be given some kind of plaque, or a really big cookie. I read the Squares everyday, just to find out what kinds of activities are going on and where I can pick up applications for things. It was also semi-amusing to see who had pledged what once the Greeks posted their pledge rosters. The Squares are quite possibly the most useful things in the whole paper, and for that reason everyone should go get an O’Colly everyday. (Plus you pay for it with your tuition so you might as well pick one up.)

Located conveniently near the Squares is the Crossword Puzzle. The Crossword Puzzle has become so much a part of my daily routine that it really irritates me when people try to converse with me while I’m completing it. Remember, I’m not blond; I just ignore you. I got hooked on crosswords when I was really little. My mother taught me how to do them, along with the Cryptogram in the Daily Oklahoman. I guess that’s why I still do them today. You’ll generally spot me drinking a smoothie from the little bakery and filling out the crossword on a bar stool or bench somewhere. Feel free to say hi, but under no circumstances should you ever attempt to “help” with the crossword. That really bugs me.

Finally, I think “Letters from Jefferson” by C. Brooks Kurtz is the most intelligent writing found in the O’Colly. Sure he’s old, likes to party, and talks about drinking a lot, but at least he’s not trying to hide it! Hell, the man likes Willie Nelson! What could possibly be wrong with him? The thing I appreciate most is that in his writing, Kurtz doesn’t try to be something he’s not. He states his opinion, but would admit it if his thoughts weren’t the most reasonable. Plus the guy likes “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and is proud of it, too. Not too many Buffy fans have come out of the closet for fear of being labeled a freak. (I know this because my step-mom has been following Buffy since the first season, and still hides her tapes when company comes over.)

I hope that gave those of you who are really down on the O’Colly a new look at the paper. It helps if you can look at the positive things sometimes.

All the Best,
Jory

originally posted on September 17, 2002